Memory of my first love..

Single rose without thorn, symbol of love at the first sight.

He is the one who taught me about love, and looking back, he is the first guy who really show me that he can be my man, to take care of me as a woman. He still a good friend of mine, even we no longer contact each other, but I have a feeling that he will never let me down if there is a time that I really in need.

Its happened a year before I transfered to Malacca (almost 3 years ago), and shy to admit this, but yes, he is one of the reason that I decided to submit my transfer form.

Before I know him, I like to watched him from far, I don't know why. But, everytime I pass by his kiosk, I will stop, and looking for him, yes sometimes thinking a reason to buy anything at his place. He is not a really good looking guy, if some of you guessing on why I like too watch him, silently. An average in age and looking, that is what can I say. The way he concentrate on his work, I think thats the thing that attract my attention, and yes, he works with all the computer stuff, as his kiosk sell all computer's accesories, I think that is another thing that make me fall in love with him, man with computer's knowledge.

I told my best friend, about him,a few days before I back to Sabah (I start to notice him at one of my school break). Then, without my expectation, my friend, approached him, and tell him about me.That was how everything started..

We keep texting, sending message,each days, knowing each other. He is unofficially big brother in his family, focus of his family after his father passed away a few years ago, which his responsibility is no doubt at all. A silent guy with a few words, don't know how to express his feeling, but charming in his attitude. No flowers or chocolate for me, but he know the song that make me smile.He still remember the date of our first message, a year after that.(Probably he save the message, long time ago).

I remember the second date, the first one was so brief, just a dinner at Mc Donald, and a calm discussion about this relation. The second date, I wore a fine clothes that I ironed perfectly, but I not remember the clothes, in red maybe, red color always bring me a confidence. We watched a Chinese movie that we regret, step out in the middle of the show. He likes pop corn, yes, I remember that.

A guy that careful of his words, and always show that he care. Every time we met, he will try to make sure, he will pay the bill, and aware on who look on me.Always calm and always try to help me in everything I need.

There is once, I lost in the middle of the busiest road at Malacca, Banda Hilir, I just transfered from Malacca on that time, still didn't recognize some roads to do some errands. I confuse, just bought the car and start to learn how to driving again and, yes, on that moment, I am so panicked, I even enter one way road from opposite direction, honks by other cars, I pull over and call him. Yes, he is the hero of that day.

He is a simple guy, who is ambitious and diligent. As a guy who never know how to flirting girls, and hardly loitering with friends, work is his life and the first woman that he love and care more than his life, is his mother.

Thats the thing that make I fall in love with him, and that makes me have to realized, and admitted that he is not ready for a serious relationship. I suffered when he have to admit, that he no longer can care about me, marriage is something that so far in his eyes.

He is good in cooking, he have a dream that he will teach me on how to cook his favorite meal, if one day I become his wife.

And I have a dream to teach him, on how to play bowling. That is the one of thing that I can teach.I still smile while writing this, remembering some of our words in several night before we sleep, via cellphone.

A few days before Idulfitri, 2007. I decided to let him go, unofficially.The break off is one of my bitter memory, there is a few months I forget how to smile and the word 'happy' had been temporary deleted in my database memory.I remember that he almost make a promised to meet my dad on that Idulfitri. But after that we still contacted via cellphone, and have a lunch a couple of times, as a friend, in hope, that he will rethinking about our relation.

A year had passed, many things happened to me, a lot of experienced had taught me about life. So much pain had comes, a few happiness been the antidote. The painful memory of the heart broken had been forgotten.

Two months ago, I really let him go...after the hurt in my heart healed, only left a scar. He is the one who taught me about love, and he is the one who taught me that I can live without love.

We met only to share our first love, been a loner that only know the loneliness as a home. For the first time in our life, we know the meaning of love, the love that only can be keep as one of our memory.

Good bye..my dear.